The Monthly Pessimist: The only thing that bums me out more than being stuck in the house is the poor moves during the NFL free-agency

April 7, 2020

By Joe Arino-Sandomenico
Editor

With the coronavirus sweeping across the U.S. and the rest of the world, everyone everywhere has gone dark. However, in sports, there is one last glimmer of hope, which is the NFL free agency period. Right now, football is the only way sports fans can rejoice, so players and managers could not have picked a worse time to make horrible moves.

NFL free agency began on March 18. This was the most exciting free-agent market the NFL has seen in the last decade or so. With key players like Tom Brady, Teddy Bridgewater and Philip Rivers, it was set to be an entertaining time for football fans.

However, the players and general managers never cease to make stupid decisions. The first move in free agency came when the Jacksonville Jaguars traded Pro Bowl defensive end Calais Campbell to the Baltimore Ravens for a fourth-round pick.

This wasn’t the dumbest move, but boy did it go downhill from here. I understand that the Jaguars are trying to tank to get the team into a rhythm for the 2021-2022 season, but this is just mind-boggling. They play in a division where every team is mediocre, and they just need one or two more solid players to build a strong team. However, they traded away their best player for a mid-draft pick in what was one of the most inexplicable moves in free agency.

The next move, which blew every past and future move out of the water, was the Houston Texans sending star wide receiver DeAndre Hopkins and a fourth-round pick to the Arizona Cardinals for running back David Johnson, a second-round pick this year and a fourth-rounder next year.

Head coach and general manager Bill O’Brien is a walking meme. He always has been, and after this trade, he always will be. This man traded the best receiver in the game, whom his quarterback loved, for a washed-up running back. Let me just say this: Bill O’Brien is so good at giving good things away, he should be the next Oprah Winfrey rather than an NFL GM.

The next questionable move came when the Indianapolis Colts signed Pro Bowl quarterback Philip Rivers and traded a first-round pick to the 49ers for their star defensive lineman DeForest Buckner.

First of all, in a division with average teams like the Jaguars, Texans and Tennessee Titans, all you have to do is get a little bit better. However, the Colts said, “Let’s be more average and sign a decent, washed-up quarterback.”

Not only that, but the pick they traded away to the 49ers could also have been used to draft a good rookie quarterback, considering there are about six projected to go in the first round. Instead, they get a star defensive lineman for it, when they could have just drafted a good D-lineman in the second round. Blasphemy.

Now we can get to the move everyone was waiting for: Where is Tom Brady going? Before the free agency period officially began, TB12’s options were the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Los Angeles Chargers, Indianapolis Colts, New England Patriots and Oakland Raiders.

Everyone knew he was not resigning with the Patriots because of his poor rapport with head coach Bill Belichick. Up until March 19, the only teams in the race for Brady were the Buccaneers and the Chargers.

The Raiders pulled out knowing they didn’t have a good shot just to give Marcus Mariota over $10 million per year. I know what you are thinking, and yes, Marcus Mariota.

As for the Colts, who knows? I guess they realized Tom Brady did not want to go to a team that had to face Deshaun Watson twice a year. Or maybe they just wanted to be more average. Again, who knows?

On March 20, the Chargers pulled out of the race because they did not think Tom Brady was interested. It was a smart idea to get out of it because if they wanted a future quarterback, they could look towards the draft. Except that they declared that Tyrod Taylor was planned to be the starter. Yes, you heard me correctly. Tyrod Taylor.

Remember, this race for Tom Brady was about where he wanted to go. A team was not settling for him; he was settling for a team. He wanted to go to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Or maybe that’s where his wife wanted him to go. Either way, he is in the Bay.

Brady now gets to be in a division where every team has gotten better so far in free agency. Every team but his, mainly because he is there. I should probably watch out for the haters on this one, but right now Tom Brady is not any better than Jameis Winston.

Brady could have gone to the Chargers, where his only competition was the Chiefs and the Chargers only needed a quarterback. Apparently, that was not good enough for him.

The Raiders were a no-no, even though one of the best quarterback head coaches, Jon Gruden, would have made sure he had everything he needed.

The Chargers were the team for him. Brady gave up possibly going to another Super Bowl just so his wife could pick where they would be living. Instead of being called the GOAT, he should be called the GSOAT: the Greatest Simp of All Time.

Of course, there were a lot of other moves, but these were the most prominent and outrageous. Obviously, my Cincinnati Bengals didn’t do squat because we are focused on Joe Burrow in the draft. I could write a whole other article ranting about this tomfoolery, but I’ll save you the trouble.

I guess you could say this free agency period has been entertaining so far. We finally got to watch something more ridiculous than people scrambling around for toilet paper at the supermarket. Sadly, it was not as enjoyable as I had hoped it would be, and I expect the leadership of the NFL to write a 10-page apology letter when this is all over. It isn’t like they’re going anywhere. We are all self-isolating for the foreseeable future anyway.