Dec. 17, 2019
By Joe Arino-Sandomenico
Editor
Most people say they like having friends and spending time with them. However, friends aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. As rhythm and blues singer Edwin Starr said about war, friends are good for “absolutely nothing.”
All friends fit into one of three categories.
The first category is the “party friend.” These friends are only around for fun times, and as soon as things get serious, they are nowhere to be found. Whether you are having an issue with them or a mutual friend, you can always count on them to give you a reason not to not count on them.
“Fake snakes will tell you what you want to hear to shut you up or ghost you until you stop talking about it.”
The second type of friend can be labeled the “depend friend.” These friends are around to a fault. Yes, you enjoy their company, but being with them becomes so essential that you have no room to be your own person.
The third friend has my favorite name: the “fake snake.” These are the friends who only come around when they want to, but they are never around you need them. When you are going through rough times or you require someone to talk to, chief called and said, “They ain’t it.” Fake snakes will tell you what you want to hear to shut you up or ghost you until you stop talking about it.
I’m not pulling these ideas out of thin air. I have interacted with all these friends before, and I still do today. If there’s one thing I know, it is that having any of these friends is not healthy at all, and that’s saying something considering these are the only kinds of friends out there.
Yeah, being without friends can be lonely, but I think it’s better that way because when no one’s around, you can’t blame your fake friends and forgive them right away to act like everything is fine. You make the choice to be by yourself.
Now, I know people will emphasize the importance of having a human connection and being able to talk and relate to others, but screw that. Why is it so important anyway? Oh, we need to talk to these other people and connect with them just to learn that we shouldn’t have done it in the first place? Yeah, I don’t think so.
I know this isn’t an advice column, but friends are a waste of time. They’re the only thing that can make you feel as bad as you do after having waited in line for that Popeyes chicken sandwich. You know, for someone whose biggest fear is loneliness, I have no problem being alone. This shows that friends just aren’t worth the effort.
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